Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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