Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
