Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
