it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Found your dick twin last night
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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