ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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