haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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