youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
