Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
