my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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