careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
