I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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