I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
