best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
