That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
