I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
