I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
