On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
