My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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