The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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