I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.