as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
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just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
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If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night