Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
