no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
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I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
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Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation