you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.