I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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