you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
