You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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