rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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