Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
