you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
