Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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