im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she smelled like a LAN party
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
