We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
