And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
