I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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