Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
