He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
