My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
