YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
