You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
