Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
