My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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