I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
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