nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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