she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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