i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
