maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
