btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My life is pants optional.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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