yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
