I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
