i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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