I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
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his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
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Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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