Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
