I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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