After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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