Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
