hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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