Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Did I show you my penis last night?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
