Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
