i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
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He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
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I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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