you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
