we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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