So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
