Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
