Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
