If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
