Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
