She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
